Give
me a clean heart, O Lord, and a right spirit. (Psalm 50:10)
Regrets
In
his book, If You Want to Walk On Water, You Have to Get Out of the
Boat, John Ortberg writes about the cave named Failure. Everyone
goes there some time or other. Even David and Jesus knew failure and
spent their time in the cave. We go to the cave for different
reasons. I felt like I was in the cave after Jim passed. I ventured
out one step at a time, but I know the cave. When you come out,
things are changed.
It
had been a rocky marriage. We did not see eye to eye and frequently
argued, but in recent years we were making progress. That’s why it
hit me so hard when I heard the words, “He will not recover.” I
knew what that meant and I was not ready. There was so much left
unfinished. Regrets? I had a few. Should we have married? That
was not one.
The
cave I was in is called the cave of Regrets. He was a big bear of a
man, gruff not refined. Still I had seen something in him long ago
when we first met. Maybe it was still there but we stopped looking
for it. Would it have made a difference if we had found it, or were
we too far apart? I don’t know, but at least I would have tried my
best and accepted him as he was, flaws and all. Instead, I tried to
make him into someone he was not. I regret that I lost a friend, not
an ex.
O
Lord, give me a patient and accepting heart. Keep me from trying to
change others. Let them be themselves, as we all want others to
accept us for who we are, not should be. Amen.
Maggie
Garza
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